should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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