i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
this boner is exhausting
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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