lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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