he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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