it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
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