Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
