I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
farters have to be the big spoon...
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
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