I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
