Already got asked if we're dating
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Randomize
