my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
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