he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Randomize