I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
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