In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
