Umm I'm too high to move.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
