we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
