I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
