The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
BRING THE BAGELS
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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