dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
