what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
