I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
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