Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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