the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
