I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
