No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
