Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
