then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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