Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
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