I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
