Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
