Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I wish you could order shots online.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
