The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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