I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
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