that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
