It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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