hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
