I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
