Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
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