My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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