Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
