Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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