is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
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