it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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