so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
