So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize