lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
