Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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