Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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