I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
