i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
