mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize