I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
