The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
