if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Randomize
