The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
