I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
