he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
