I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
