Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
