You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
