Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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