im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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