Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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