do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
