So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
