Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
