sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
