There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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