That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
