you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
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