you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
