I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
