im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
