real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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