McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
